We know that child abuse neglect issues has been around for quite some time; however, only within the last decade or so have the consequences of abuse, the behavioral problems, the long term effects and the range of emotional trauma become better known. There are some truly frightening figures that go along with that information, including the fact that 1 out of 5 boys and 1 out of 3 girls have been exposed to abuse prior to turning 18. However, there are some even higher numbers that go along with special needs parenting, with as many as 85 to 95% of those children being abused before entering a foster or adopted home.

When an American visits a foreign country and does not speak the language, they are obviously at a disadvantage. The same holds true with adoptive or foster families when exploited children come to them. These kids have a learned language or attitude that is very different from that of a non-abused child. This requires the adoptive or foster parents to learn the many different ways of interpreting behavior that is unique to that particular child’s experiences.

In order to understand this “language,” the adult must first recognize the fact that abuse is a very traumatic life event that affects mental health; one that can over-power the ability to cope, much less problem solve. Proper parenting requires the new parent to understand that an event of this magnitude usually means that every way that a child had of protecting him or herself has become useless.

For those children who are in a foster home or have been adopted it can be even more difficult for them to adapt. This is because on top of the already traumatic abuse that was on them, they now have to deal with a feeling of parental loss and abandonment.

Whether a child has been sexually, emotionally or physically abused, parenting them can be difficult and frustrating, or challenging at the least. More often than not, a child’s distorted views on life will butt heads with the new caregivers desire to help them. Fortunately, with a child’s innate need to heal and the new caregiver’s desire to nurture, it can become a positive experience for both. Learning the “language” of an abused child is the first step towards healing.

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